Author Archives: Ally

About Ally

Things you should know about me. I am a 30-something mom of two very active little boys and two cats and one fluff ball of a dog. I am married to a sexy bearded milkman. I have the heart of a gypsy but live with a man content with things never changing. I love reading, movies, gardening, walking, yoga, painting, cooking, drawing, talking, and am constantly learning new things in this adventure called life.

Learning with loss: an obituary

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Hello wandering hearts.

I was handed some hard news over the weekend and I’m working to understand my emotions surrounding this.

I found out Sunday morning that my biological father had passed away Saturday night from a heart attack.

Now before I get too far into this I have to say that I was blessed to have a Dad who not only stepped up when my bio father didn’t but my Dad adopted me and gave me his last name to make sure the rest of the world knew I was his. With that said – my bio father was a functioning drug addict all of my life. He made terrible self-centered choices that hurt my loved ones and myself (because that’s what addiction does).

I’m sad for my sister, who was closer to him, and is feeling his loss harder than I am. I’m sad for my 10 year old self who once upon a time used to wish this man I knew nothing about would come rescue me when I was angry with my parents. And I’m sad because I still wished to the day he died that he would figure out that his kids want him around.

As I process all my emotions I realized that he probably won’t have a decent obituary so if you’ll bare with my raw emotions and my truthfulness about who he was I’d like to share with you his obituary that I’ve written.

Love & Light

Ally

Harry Jerome Sarnowski Jr.

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Harry Jerome Sarnowski Jr (Jerry) passed away suddenly on October 21, 2017 in Everett, Washington. Jerry was born November 7th, 1964 to Suzanne (Brandt) and Harry Jerome Sarnowski Sr in Los Angeles, California. He was the eldest of three boys.

Jerry married his first wife, Karen, in 1983. The following year his first daughter Ally was born. They divorced a few years later. In 1988 Jerry married his second wife, Jolene, and the next year they had their daughter, Sarah.

Jerry loved to fish. He also liked to spend time with friends.

He is survived by his daughters, wife, 2 brothers, 2 step brothers and 1 step sister, his father and step mother. He was proceeded in death by his mother.

There will not be a service however he will be remember by his family and friends.

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Depression & Anxiety: a poem

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Depression and anxiety feel to me like my skin is a frozen lake.

If I can just keep this smile on my face, they’ll never know that just beneath my mask is a lake of anxiety & depression that goes all the way to my core.

Waiting for me to crack from stress.

From my emotions.

Like they will spill out and consume me.

These depressing feelings of the darkest, blackest sadness.

I know once it gets a hold of me that I will never be happy again.

The anxiety that waits is one that will keep me going with “what if” situations that will turn my stomach to knots.

I question every decision on the inside every day but tell no one because everyone thinks I’m so sure of myself.

But mama said fake it till you make.

So here this smile will stay until I crack too much and the lake of depression and anxiety floods out.

Been awhile…

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Hello Beautiful Souls!

I’m sorry I’ve been away for so long. I got lost in life and drowned by anxiety and depression. I found Allah and said Shahada.

I find myself now the mother of a kindergartener, wife of a long haul trucker, trying to keep up with a naughty 3 year old AND working 40 hours a week all the while being expected to hold it together mentally and keep up on housework. Needless to say something has to give cause I’m on the verge of losing my mind.

Though I’m not sure what will give.

At this point I wanted to check in. I wanted to say hello beautiful souls and I wanted to tell you about this amazing morning that I’ve had.

I got woken up by my two monkeys, got to cuddle with my husband, told my son parts of his birth story, went to a yoga class that kicked my arse and came home to a happy puppy in an empty house. I was able to have a nice shower and make myself a smoothie. I’m now in my office sitting in my high back chair blogging on my phone enjoying this quiet moment with a puppy on my lap.

And you know what?

At this precise moment in time – the anxiety and depression are quiet. I can breath without wanting to sob uncontrollably. I’m not screaming at little boys to behave and my jaw isn’t clenched with so much stress it hurt.

I guess today is a reminder to self that if you don’t take of yourself too you end up in a really shitty mess.

Hoping to make morning sweat it out sessions a daily occurrence. 🤞🤞

Hoping to change things up. I’m trying to aim more to the just do it side vs the plan it all out side. I’ve noticed that if I do the planning I tend not to do the actions. 😞

So in the mean time – remember self to take deep breathes and to find the center and ground your feet.

Inshallah we will find ourselves stronger – physically, mentally, & spiritually.

Love & Light

Ally

Time for a Radical Change

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Tonight marks the last night of a less than spectacular lifestyle. Up till this point in my life I haven’t cared very much about my body. I have only cared that it got me where I was going and that it didn’t get sick much. I haven’t cared for my body, my temple, or myself.

Tomorrow (Sept 17th) morning marks day 1 of getting back into my Thrive experience. I can’t tell you how excited I am to get back to thinking clearly, being able to focus, and being able to clear my mind enough to fall asleep.

A few of the great things about Thrive is how much water you have to drink to clear out your system and how they encourage you to quit consuming caffeine. The neat thing is that when I quit caffeine while taking my Thrive, I am not entirely quitting caffeine because the makers of Thrive included a little of it in the Thrive products! So no hard come down from the lack of caffeine. And no crap-tacular headache because I am going through a caffeine withdrawal.

So tomorrow, I am aiming to drink a little over 100 oz. of water, to eat only one meal with meat, and to do some morning yoga.

  1. 100+ ounces of water daily
  2. No/less animal products & processed foods
  3. Exercise of some kind – DAILY
  4. Bedtime nightly no later than 10:30pm
  5. Keep on Thriving!

 

I will continue to keep you posted on my adventure with my lifestyle changes. What are your top 5 lifestyle changes that you are committed to making?? Share in the comments!

2015: Goals & Accomplishments

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2015: Goals & Accomplishments

As the year wraps up I’m taking time to see what parts of my Top 100 (ok really I think it was my Top 44) I focused on, attempted or accomplished.

So my top 100 list looked like this (after water damage – which broke my heart)

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The main items I tackled this year

  • Cello – I figured out that my brain doesn’t work like that. LOL! I think I work better on my flute.

  • School – I started going to massage school 9/10/15 and by 11/27/15 I realized I couldn’t have it on my plate. Five classes on top of working full time and being a mom. So this one is getting put on the back burner till the boys go to school.

  • Work – I have kept my temp job for over a year now. There have been times I didn’t think I would make it this far but I am holding on still.

  • Vegan-ish – I haven’t gone entirely vegan but we have eaten many more vegan meals this past year. Bonus: My husband LOVES tofu!!IMG_20150501_190131

  • DIY Planner – After the sad drowning of my ECLP last year I have gone on to put together my DIY planner. (I will be posting about this really soon) I am still tweaking it but I am getting closer to my final look.

  • Mini Shrine – So there’s like author that I adore and she started making mini shrines a couple years ago. When she started making them I promised myself I would totally get one. Well this year I did the damn thing! I got a very beautiful Spiral Goddess one! I heart her and she sits right next to my bed and I see her every day and every night. 2015-04-19 16.24.02

  • Growing healthy boys – This year I have really focused on this. We had a GI appointment last month with our new GI doc for the boys and while I am thankful for his gung-ho attitude to conquer everything that ails my boys; I am at the same time hoping he will slow down a bit. He was worried about Mikey’s growth rate (he’s not even in a line of the growth chart). I will fully admit I freaked out a bit about that after the appointment and then I realized “Duh! I have HD boys and not only that but Mikey doesn’t eat meat!” So then I felt like an idiot for a minute and moved passed that. He did however help me move in the direction of possible potty training EJ with the help of canning pectin! I guess the help always has to come from the most unusual places huh? 🙂2015-11-08 09.39.59

  • A Stronger Marriage – Now this one I haven’t said much about this year. My husband and I almost got divorced this year. We realized two things in the process of splitting up, 1) there was something there worth fighting tooth and nail for. 2) We needed to be communicate to the point of being transparent with each other. Of course no relationship is perfect but we are still working on it. I know that there are days when we wanna kill each other – or just maim each other – and we are still working out kinks but I think we will be ok if we both keep talking and both believe there is something worth fighting for.

How did your you 2015 turn out? Did it end on a positive note? Were you just dying for 2016 to get here???

101 in 1001

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101 in 1001

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Let’s take a second to talk goals. I don’t know about you but I have TONS of goals! I think that is in part to me being such a dreamer – if only I could get paid for that!?

I was reading a post I found on pinterest that talks about this 101 in 1001 (original post here). I was intreigued by the meaning behind the numbers so I read the post and the whole basis is completeing 101 goals in 1001 days (a little over 2.5 years). Being such a dreamer, I have decided to give this a try. My start date will be January 1st, 2016 which will give me an end date of September 28th, 2018.

Now the difficult portion of this whole idea – coming up with the 101 goals! I am up to roughly 25 goals! Laughable right?! Thankfully I have 31 days from today to get my list set up! I will be pulling a bunch from my Life’s 100 goals from Leonie Dawson’s yearly life workbook.

While I have included several small goals (start walking daily) and a few large goals (Attend Austin VegFest) – the majority of my 101 will be medium size goals that need a little thought and planning put in an can’t be completed in one day.

I am really excited about taking this on! I would love if I could complete all but will be SUPER happy to simply complete what I can.

What would you put in your 101? Would you have enough to fill 101?

This crazy little thing called Hirschsprung’s Disease

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This crazy little thing called Hirschsprung’s Disease

 

So in case, you haven’t figured out yet – my world revolves around my two little monkeys – EJ & Moo. My boys aren’t just special because they are mine, they are special because they both have a rare genetic disease. (Technically this disease is becoming less rare and that makes me terribly sad.) My boys both have Hirschsprung’s disease. My non-medical way of telling the story of this disease looks like this – while my babies were in the womb their large intestines formed but didn’t work. So when they came out of me they weren’t able to pass stools. The solution to the problem was for an amazing surgeon to take out their large intestine in its entirety. Now, this isn’t a bad solution for my boys – we got VERY lucky in the severity of their diseases – though side effects that they ended up with sometimes make me wanna cry… But I digress, the surgeries went very smoothly and the boys have recovered beautifully.

EJ Slide

As most of the HD kids who have had their reconnection surgery, both boys ended up with some very acidic stools which caused breakdown of the skin on their bottoms [read: extreme diaper rash]. Thanks to our surgeon’s wound care specialist we got an amazing [reads – expensive beyond my wildest dreams!] (thank goddess for great insurance) diaper paste that helps give their skin time to heal. They are both on special diets – (one which we all wish we could be on) high fat and high salt.

All that said, we got incredibly lucky. I have read of children and adults dying of HD. I have read of children having so many many more problems than my boys ended up with. What they ended up with was an easy version of the disease and a cow’s milk allergy. I can deal with this. Or at least today I can.

Moo carseat

If you are an HD parent, friend, or patient reading this, well, I send you my love. I send you the ability to breathe in the calm during those moments that seem to go on forever without an end in sight. You aren’t the only one out there and there is more than one way to handle the problems that HD throws at you I promise!!

 

Love & Peace

Ally